If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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