hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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