fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
