i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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