I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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