Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
