are you so shy because you have an std?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Congratulations! We have a period
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