I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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