dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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