apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
