Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
