fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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