guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
