He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
