For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
