im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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