i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
