did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
the night ended with taco bell and tears
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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