i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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