Will you blow on my dice?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize