I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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