The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
