She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
