I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
