I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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