He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
