the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
