There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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