Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
