So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
