I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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