You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I checked into jail on foursquare
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
