In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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