you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
