Dude my mom stole all your condoms
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
