I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
