Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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