I feel great
I just peed on a car
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
