Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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