Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
