What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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