I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
