I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
