that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
