i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
