Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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