i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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