Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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