if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she looked like the before picture.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
