Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
