And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
