There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
