i always forget guys have bellybuttons
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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