Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
