best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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