My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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