mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
