So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
