dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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