Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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