woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
