I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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