i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize