i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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